Doubtful. No sacrifices? Not possible. Life is full of trade-offs. We take this job instead of that one, we do schooling instead of traveling (or vice versa), we commit to a relationship for the joy of love giving up on the freedom to keep exploring, etc.

Children, are a lot of work, and a joy to birth, raise, and know. When I’m 80 years old (or 60?) I hope I’ll be glad I spent a few years without sleeping through the night. Mostly, however, I think they are a biologic urge, that is difficult not to fufill. There’s simply magic in an infant’s smile.

Sometimes, I ask myself “what was I thinking?” It’s hard to say. I don’t think the decision to parent is entirely a logical one. Planning helps, single parenting is surely more difficult (at best), extended family makes it better for everyone involved.

Still, while knowing yourself is vital to clarity, no one is an island. Raising kids, within a village (or community), can be a wild ride with a lot of love. Is it worth it? I suppose every person has to decide for themselves. For some, they don’t feel complete unless they’ve raised a child, for others it was something they were willing to do. At 20, I was like “no way.” At 35, it was “it’s now or never, and I sure don’t want to end my life wishing I had….” Now, at 45, I am amazed things worked out as well as they did, and grateful, too.

Best wishes.

I don’t think people decide not to have childred because of money or, I don’t know, global warming. It’s a personal and serious decision. And, if you are planning out having a kid (as opposed to having a suprise), then when you get the green light, everything will be crystal clear.

You know, another thought of mine is that I sometimes feel cheated. We learn to live one way, but we are never prepared for the next stage in our lives. We go to school, enter the work world, and, guess what, we know nothing because we don’t have that work experience. You have the credentials, but all they are are door openers, but in essence you are not a professional entering a professional world. Then we work, we live on our own, become independent… but life with a spouse is so different – NOTHING like living by yourself independently. Same with kids, having them and taking care of them is nothing like living with your spouse. That’s why for us gen Y women it is so hard to visualize having kids and the first reaction is a “no” and we listen to internal urges to analyze what having kids means to us. The first question is “how can I remain myself?”

I know I want to have kids. I just don’t know how it will happen. I tell myself there is plenty of time. I just want to be firm on my both two feet to be a good parent later. And that usually implies satisfying that internal “me, me, me”.

Now accepting this has made the decision harder, because not only does it change the relaitonship with your husband/partner, but with your family and with yourself.

But for me i think having kids is like, one of those experiences that i can’t bear to miss out on this life.

Its not that i would have an incomplete life without. I’m sure that it would just be fine. I just think that my life would be a richer experience if i did have them.

But its great to hear that you are having a more open mind about kids. I’ll remind you of this post if in a couple of years you have a little toddler running circles around you =)

I don’t want to have kids, and if I rationally think about it, I have to admit that it’s because I don’t want my mother’s life.

She dedicated herself to my siblings and I. I want to be free to dedicate that kind of time to myself.

People tell me all the time that I’d make a wonderful mom, and I smile and shake my head because I know it’s not for me. But who knows, I’ve been known to change my mind.

Kudos to you for being willing to step outside of your comfort zone and think about something in a different way.

http://www.weeklystandard.com/Content/Public/Articles/000/000/015/161yutrk.asp

It’s a long read, but well done. I think you’ll like it, and hopefully find a bit of affirmation in your thoughts.

I guess for me its a question of priorities. I don’t center my life around my career because its not fulfilling enough for me. My wife and baby make my life feel much more full. I still enjoy doing IT and my job but like coming home and having time to spend with my family. Its great to just sit in my chair with my daughter and watch her play with her blocks and tumble on the floor right now. She is just passing the 8 month old mark and is just so cute. It makes the getting up at 3am because she woke up worth it. As for being happy and such. I will never be happy with the amount of money I make or the possessions that i want. I have yet to meet anyone that isn’t asking for more money or something else they have to have in their life.

As for your decision and such… good luck on it. Remember that right now you can pretty much do what you need when you need it. Having a kid will change that. You will have to spend time with the child and get up at 3am when the baby wakes up. I would talk to your friends that have the baby and the budding business and get a feel for how they are handling things. Maybe they can shed more light on this subject. Having a child will change your life. The question is if you will accept the change or keep trying to maintain your current path.

And, you know – alot of this decision is about being able to live with and embrace uncertainty. In other areas of our lives, we have a great deal of control. If there is a job we want to do, we find out what the qualifications and experienced needed, go out, get it. But, we have no idea what our kids are going to be like – if we have them. We don’t know what kind of parents we’ll be, how having children would change our relationship, how we’ll cope with having children and having a professional life.

That’s why its so scary – there is no dress rehersal!!