Your personal style matters… now give it some thought
I’m not happy with my personal style lately. It’s sort of been ongoing since I got sober and lost some weight… and you know, stopped spending all my money on booze. I’ve told myself that part of the problem is that I don’t have a lot of money to spend on new clothes, but I think there’s a little more to it than that. I would say the real problem is that I don’t give it much thought until I’m actually in a store, ready to buy some item that I need. Seeing as I give almost everything in my life too much thought, I thought that was a little ironic.
Whether we like it or not, we’re judged at a moment’s glance by our outward image. And as much as the BF hems and haws about appearances not mattering, he plays by the rules and wears a suit to the office every day, even Fridays. In our careers, in dating, we’re judged first by our appearance and our clothing does a lot of the talking. (I wasn’t sure if I was attracted to Date #4 when we met – he was wearing a suit and I always say that it blocked any read I was trying to get from him.)
I’ve been watching the preliminary back-to-school ads roll in, and it amazes me how much time and thought middle and high school kids put into their clothing choices. Their clothes (in their minds) say so much about them – what group they belong to, what kind of music they listen to, what their socioeconomic status is, how in tune they are with trends, which causes they support (if any). Why this is, is an entirely different subject that I don’t wish to touch on here. What it did, though, was prompt me to look at my style choices and think about what they said about me.
That’s when I realized that my style choices weren’t really so much choices as they were lazy acquiesces. I live in a town with few clothing options, but I’m not sure I would be much better off anywhere else.
I love:
Blazers
3/4-sleeve jackets
Cardigans
Dark jeans
Vintage-y blouses
‘40s inspired dresses, shoes, hair… well, anything really
Splashes of bright color
Scarves
Preppy-style flats
Colorful, vintage heels
Long dresses
How much of this do I own? Er… none. I do have a few cardigans, but they’re pretty much a necessity in my 60-degree office. Oh, and I own about 7 pairs of dark jeans, but all in the same style and cut from the same store. Even I know that’s wrong.
Looking at this list, I can see that this is actually how I used to dress in high school. My mom hated taking me shopping – I never saw anything I liked unless we were at a Goodwill. Luckily, times have changed and Anthropologie picked up what I was throwing down. Anyhow, I did think that it said something about me. Like today’s teenagers, I was keenly aware of the message I was trying to send. I was eclectic, creative, a little hip, a little bohemian, a non-conformist, an intellectual.
How many of us can say we put that much thought into our wardrobe post-high school or college? I grab whatever Express is offering that month in the way of office-appropriate attire within my budget and that’s about it. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a personal style again?
It’s not just about sending an arbitrary message about who I think I am. After all, if you’re worthwhile and think I’m worthwhile, we’ll get to know each other and you’ll figure out who I am. When my outer self matches my inner self, who it is that I am, I’m a lot happier. Plain and simple, if I actually enjoy the clothes I’m wearing, then I’m a lot happier overall. I also feel a lot more at home in social situations. I feel more comfortable projecting who I am when I’m not tugging on uncomfortable clothes that don’t fit right. And, of course, I wouldn’t mind standing out from the crowd a little.
In an age when personal branding seems to be all the rage, why are we sticking ourselves in the same suits and brands as everyone else? Why aren’t we spending more time thinking about how our “look” corresponds to our personal brand, our goals, and where we want to go?
Some questions to ask yourself about your personal style:
• How would I like people to see me? Use descriptive adjectives: polished, bohemian, put-together, artsy, sleek, glamorous, etc.
• How would I describe myself in a few words? Are you a corporate go-getter, an intellectual, a tech geek, a trendsetter, outdoorsy, creative?
• What styles do I identify with? What words describe them? Do those words describe me?
• What are some items I really like? Do I currently have them in my collection?
• How do my clothing choices affect me on a daily basis? Am I happier when I wear certain colors? Certain styles?
Me, personally, I’m going to start holding out for items that fit with my now clearly defined personal style. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to rethink those 7 pairs of jeans…
All images from Anthropologie.com.
You left out how much you used to love black and flannel…hee, hee! OH. Nirvana.
I live in a very active, mountain town in Colorado. The women here can out-climb most of the men on their bikes, or up a 14-er. I consider myself active. I can be seen wearing my lime green KEENS and rugged shorts. I’m a nurse, so I wear operating-room-blue scrubs. However, when it comes to going to dinner or out on a date, I’m still a “girl.”
When I first moved here, I conformed to the hoodies and wool hats. I would frown upon the girl who showed up in high-heels. It didn’t take long before I realized that this style wasn’t me. I missed my A-line skirts and capped sleeve blouses. I loved my Franco Sarto pumps! I decided to be a non-conformist.
Today, I’m that girl who shows up in high heels. I’m often told, “You’re such a girl.” And I reply, “Yes, I am. But I can still kick your ass down the mountain.”
For me, trying to find a ‘brand’ that encompasses me in all aspects isn’t really an option. My job requires at business casual, which I think is akward and sloppy, so I dress one step below a full suit.
Outside of work, I’m usually in cargo shorts and a T-shirt. They’re either a band shirt (black) or a plain T from the Gap, which fit just so damn well.
Like your BF, I don’t put much stock into appearances, unless it’s a particular situation that calls for something specific. I focus on speach and communication. It does more than a pair of jeans ever could.
Have to disagree with those who say that clothes don’t say anything about you…like eating healthy or working out regularly, it is a reflection of how much respect you accord yourself–and therefore, how much respect you demand from those around you.
If you are serious about this issue, then I recommend adding What Not To Wear to your DVR and subscribing to a shopping magazine such as Lucky (no articles, just clothing and accessory product reviews). When you are shopping, rather than buying as many things as you can afford on your budget, buy fewer pieces that are much nicer/more expensive.
For example, there’s no need to own 7 pairs of jeans. Go to a designer jeans store and buy 1 or 2, but don’t be surprised to pay $150 and up for them. I would also try and think of the types of shoes, costume jewelry, and purses you gravitate towards and add them to your list.
Of course, there’s the hair and makeup thing, but that’s a whole other blog…
@Marta: OK, you don’t have to tell everyone how dorky I used to be. LOL. I love that you’ve stayed true to your personal style, even if it means you stand out… especially since you stand out! The difference between you and those other girls is that you know the terrain, your self and your style – you choose to embrace your personal style. Own it!
@Norcross: I completely agree. However, I also think that my speech and communication are affected by how comfortable I am with my identity. My style can be (if I choose) part of my identity.
For some people (like you & my BF), not participating in style is part of your style. You choose to project the part of yourself that believes appearances don’t matter.
I suppose the reason I wrote the post, and perhaps women will relate to this more than men, is that I haven’t really cared about my clothes. My fear is that I’m also projecting that I might not care about other things.
@Honey: Excellent point! That’s what I meant by holding out for those things that fit in my wardrobe instead of just buying what I can afford. Most of the shirts I like average around $80; most that I buy average around $40. When I ask myself whether two of those $40 shirts are worth the one I really want, I know the answer. I’ll be saving, thank you!
Great post, thanks for bringing this up. I agree 100% with Honey, which is funny because fashion isn’t something we’ve talked about offline.
I’ve upgraded my wardrobe significantly in the last year or so to the tune of hundreds dollars, including a $150 pair of Steve Madden shoes that get rave review whenever I go out. Chicks notice this stuff. I also wear good jeans…I’m currently saving up for a $150 pair. Having 1 or 2 of these designer brands is really all you need, and if you’re a guy you will GET NOTICED in killer jeans. It’s required if you do what I do.
I was definitely a shorts and t-shirt, comfort only FL boy in the past, but I’ve trained myself to dress well every time I go out, even for errands. You never know when you’re going to meet someone special.
Fashion falls under the category of personal marketing for me, and we market ourselves every time we leave the house. What impression do you want to give? Are you a player with a strong personality, or a wallflower? I say project that you’re an alpha guy or gal and dress the part.
i’m kinda doing the same thing right now actually.
but in a slightly different way.
i’ve thrown out all my designer jeans/t shirts/polo’s/sweaters, whatever else i had and have invested in some killer suits and shirts. the tailored kind. and i feel f*cking awesome, hehe!
i don’t know if its a guy thing, or just me (probably my weird warped mind!) but nothing feels better then looking sharp in a gorgeous suit.
maybe i’ve gone a bit too far, maybe i haven’t, but it feels right and i love getting dressed again in the mornings!
crave
social supremacy
I love this post because you touch on a topic that most overlook. As a 20something, I find that personal style is SO important. When I give presentations in front of large corporations, dressing very sharp makes me feel like a superstar. You become what you dress as, and the message I want to get across is “This young man is sharp!” I throw in a studded belt to add a twist so I don’t look like a corporate tool. It definitely gets peoples attention, and makes people remember me.
On a daily basis, looking sharp, put together and having your own style makes people pay attention to you. I realized that after I started dressing better, people around the office who never talked to me started to say hello when passing me in the hall. It’s really very effective.
Bruce Yang
http://www.20somethingsuccess.com
I have to second the above “What Not to Wear Comment” those books saved my fashion life. I no longer feel like my ass rules my life, or feel like I’m just fat. I’m not! Clothing manufacturers don’t make clothes in varying proportions.
I strongly recommend finding a good tailor too – unless you have a very well proportioned body, you will need alterations.
I’m totally with you on personal style! During my worst depression stages a few years ago I wore black all the time, old concert shirts and I had no style. I looked neat but boring and very high school at work.
What you wear speaks volumes about your personality, mood, appearance and creativity. Wearing bright colors attracts positive energy, men and friendships (there are exceptions). Unfortunately they were the wrong men but it’s good to feel attractive.
I parse and clean out my closet every few months to reassess my style. That also helps prevent clutter and keeps my wardrobe updated. My fav books which transformed my personal style are “Nothing to wear” and “how to have style” by Issac Mizrahi are good references and I read them every few months just to remind myself. And I highly recommend Jessica’s blog – whatiwore.tumblr.com, she’s an amazing source of inspiration on personal style. Looking at her styles helped me find vintage blouses that fit better than the ones at BR!
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