Some things really are sacred
I won’t be writing as much about love and relationships as I have been lately. I do, however, want to explain why because I am very committed to being open and honest with you guys. While it didn’t take me long to make this decision, it was a difficult one. My readers have told me repeatedly that they enjoy my relationship posts the most and that made it difficult, because I want to give you what you like to read.
That said, two big things came up yesterday, aided by one little comment on another blog. One is that I have entered weekly counseling. If you read this blog regularly, then you know I’ve been in a funk. And since I’ve always been completely honest with you all, you seem to know me, and you’ve been asking if I’m OK. After a few months of trying different things (exercise, diet, time alone, time together, on meds, off meds, relaxing), I’ve come to the conclusion that I can’t fix this one on my own.
A major part of my counseling centers around what it is that makes a strong, independent, intelligent young woman like myself turn into a weak, self-doubting nervous wreck in relationships. Call me crazy, but I think I need to give myself some privacy to work out these issues. My counselor has also asked me to keep the content of my sessions between him and me. Besides, I really don’t think you’ll want any relationship advice from the likes of me.
Also, Date #4 has been an avid reader since we first got together. The freedom I have enjoyed thus far in letting my writing roam far and wide through my relationship-related thoughts has lasted a lot longer than I thought it would. At this point in my relationship, I think it’s time to back off for both our sakes. I have to admit that there are posts I have would have a hard time dealing with if I were in his shoes.
A special thanks to Dad’s House here. The author responded in his own comment section on writing about relationships while they are ongoing: “In fact, I don’t blog about any relationships while I’m in them, out of respect to the other person.” It honestly hadn’t occurred to me that I was being disrespectful to Date #4 by broadcasting my joys, fears, and issues regarding our relationship to the world. Like I said, I’m not sure you want to take relationship advice from me.
Now, don’t think that I’m being secretive. I am happy to answer any questions you might have, love-related or otherwise, via email. Those of you who have emailed with me know I’m an open book. And this isn’t to say I won’t ever blog about love, my relationship, etc. I will, but only when I can be as open and honest as you are used to me being and can offer you something valuable without hurting anyone in the process.
Hey, maybe I’ve achieved some work/love balance after all.
Photo by dimi15 via Flickr.
We’ll still love Holly, and we’ll keep reading
It is hard to write about relationships when you are in them. My gf won’t even read my blog. Every once in a while, one of her friends will tell her about something that I wrote and then I’ll hear about it.
You are making a good decision.
It is tough to write about relationships you are in. I write under a pseudonym and only about 3 or 4 of my actual friends know about my blog, the BF doesn’t really read it, and I ask him if I feel something’s questionable, which is how we’ve worked around it. And of course, we’d been together over a year and a half when I started writing it, so things were already settled in a lot of ways (though there is always more to learn).
I look forward to hearing what you have to say regarding the other aspects of your life!
what it is that makes a strong, independent, intelligent young woman like myself turn into a weak, self-doubting nervous wreck in relationships
when at work i’m mindful
while back at home life’s joyful
but love relate
control negate
disclosure leaves me fearful
coffee shop got a name yet?
Good luck! I wrangle with the same issues of course…I’m dating someone right now and I’m torn about whether to blog about it. My real issue is whether writing about it changes the actual relationship…like, does the act of writing and getting feedback make me do things I wouldn’t otherwise do? something to think about it.
Sounds like the right decision for you. I’m extremely open on my blog about myself and my art. That was the express initial purpose of my blog. I only bring my wife into it when she’s contributed to my work in some way to give her credit. She reads it, and we’d discussed that from the outset. Of course, we’d been married before I started the blog… anyway, I think a relationship outta be completely open, not secrets. You’re supposed to work on things together, help each other out, not be scared of what the other thinks. That’s unconditional love.
Ah, heck, I dunno, see why I don’t talk about relationships on my blog?
Peace.
@lifeinthemiddlelane: Thanks for the support! I appreciate it. There are days where my mind is like a bad neighborhood – to scary to in by myself. I’m not sure I should invite the world there, especially when it comes to relationships!
@honey: I think having that foundation (1.5 years) in place is important. Four months is just to short a time, I think. Plus, I think at this point, I need to look out for my well-being first.
@anonymous: It does! I even have the domain registered, a logo, pretty much everything but you know, an actual business plan.
@lance: That’s a really interesting question. Mostly I’ve just received support from my readers, though some do offer suggestions from their own experience. I would say that the act of writing, whether it is pubished or not, definitely changes things. I think it helps out work out some ideas, at least. I can see, though, how blogging about it in the early stages can change things. This is why I think I want to hold my cards a little closer to my chest, so I can figure it out for myself before opening it up for comment and criticism.
@d.edlen: LOL! Yeah, see? It’s tough!
Thanks for the props. One other thing I do, I usually wait at least a week before I blog about a date or other experience. This allows my emotions to settle, and I can unearth deeper patterns to my behavior and offer more insights to my readers. I found if I put my dating woes out there too soon, if someone reacts strongly it can really make me teeter off into a funk! But if I’ve processed my own shit for a week, I suddenly don’t care as much what readers have to say about me. Negative comments bounce right off.
Blogging is tough business! You really put yourself out there and expose yourself to criticism and ridicule. You also get great support. For me, it’s important to feel good about myself before showing all my shit to the world.
Hey Girl,
Well i completely understand why you have made that decision and i applaud you!!
It will be sad .. that for the moment we wont be hearing anymore about it …
But if it means a healthy and happy relationship ….
Then its well worth the effort!
HAF
http://www.hotalphafemale.blogspot.com
Holly, I’m so glad to discover you and your honesty, across the miles. I share your struggle to balance private life with self-expression, and the desire to be truthful. I look forward to sharing more and learning more; good luck to you!