How I Found Our Voices
It was January 2008. My head was full of “Rich Dad, Poor Dad,” Robert Kiyosaki and that mother of all Gen Y goals – passive income. I was gonna start a blog.
After all, the people who were writing Employee Evolution, Modite and TwentySet were freaking kids compared to me. Why couldn’t I do it? Didn’t I have something to say?
So, February 2, 2008 I pushed the button. That big old publish button. And…
Nothing happened.
Well, not nothing. My family read it, old coworkers, friends, a guy I was dating. But that was about it. My first few posts bounced around.
I’m not sure when it first happened, but it came. A message from someone who said I had helped. Then another. And after a while, another. When I decided to be open about my sobriety in a very public fashion, my inbox was flooded. The comments section burst not just with congratulations, but with thank yous. Privately, I replied to emails from people who wondered if they had a problem, where they might find some help, for a variety of addictions and problems, not just alcoholism.
It’s not easy to put yourself out there; it’s not easy for me to put myself out there. While I’ve received a lot of support and praise for my candor and honesty, I’ve also been attacked at my most vulnerable point. And to be honest, there are times when it makes me not want to blog anymore. It hurts, and I’ve watched my fellow bloggers go through it, too, in the comments sections of posts they were probably already nervous to publish.
Because each time we publish, we offer a piece of ourselves to the community. Sometimes the community accepts it, maybe they even love it, but sometimes it loves to hate us. Maybe the comments affect us so much because we know the power of words. Every time we post a new entry, we’re calling on the power of those words to do something, whether it’s to address a growing problem, sway people to our political beliefs, or to simply get something off our chest.
For me, the power of my words is used to share what little I’ve learned, and more often than not, to show what I haven’t. That’s the amazing thing about blogging, this global broadcast of words – it reminds me each and every day that I’m not alone, that my situation isn’t unique. And as long as my readers keep telling me that my honesty about where I am in my life helps them, just to know that someone else is going through it too, then I’m going to keep blogging.
Oh, and passive income? Yeah, right. To both income and passive. Blogging hasn’t earned me any money, it hasn’t gotten me a job, and it definitely hasn’t landed me a relationship, and there are days where I feel a little beaten down. But I love it. And some days, it loves me back. And that was unexpected.
Photo credit: Ashe-Villain via Flickr.
I like to think that you’re a bit of a blog mentor for me. Someone who helped me turn my curiosity about blogging into a reality.
When I first emailed you asking all sorts of questions about your blog (which in reality disguised my questions about my own desire to start a blog) I wasn’t a blogger. I wanted to be a writer and I wanted to offer up my own perspectives but something held me back. I didn’t think the perspectives I could offer held much weight.
You write bravely about some very serious issues: alcoholism, hard upbringings and many other struggles. I had read the appreciative comments from your readers. You really did help people strugglling with some of the same very serious problems. It almost seemed like you made people braver. The truth is I was worried that I couldn’t offer up learning that held such weight. I live in too much of a middle class nuclear family bubble. I thought to myself, “You don’t have any serious problems that you’ve overcome. What the hell are you going to write about? Maybe you should make something up?”
But here’s the thing. I found my voice too. And I’ve found that when you’re open with someone they’re equally open with you. People appreciate you just as you are.
That’s the most amazing thing about blogging for me. So I guess I just wanted to say thanks!
I wouldn’t worry too much about passive income via blogging. Only a few right tail of the curve bloggers will make truly passive income. For the rest of us, it’s to connect.
BTW, I clicked on an ad to chip in to the $0.02 toward your goal.
Holly,
For what it is worth, I would like to apologise again for the comments I made on your last post. I was too quick to comment, and was driven by extrinsic factors/feelings on the day that were informing what I wrote. In so doing, I expressed my point terribly, or even not at all. My point was that I thought you were doing yourself down by making so much of what you write all about your sobriety, when you seem to be such a capable and successful person.
Since that post, I have explored your blog archives (i.e. on your actual site, not Brazen Careerist) and much better appreciate your context and message.
For what it’s worth (which I know is not much), I think your writing style is magical and your blogging voice very unique, and I regret trying to pigeonhole you because my day was going badly.
That is all.
Holly, yr. DOING rather than WAITING. That’s the key.
Good things will come to you and you’ll deserve them when they do.
Please keep blogging. I think you’ve got a lot of fans, me included
I love this post! I think it takes a lot of courage to blog as honestly as you have about your life, and you do a great job at it.
@marina: I wanted to mention you in my post because of how proud I am of you! I loved getting to pass on the encouragement that I received when I was starting my blog. It’s amazing that we’re half a world away from each other, and I feel like we’re kindred spirits! It’s amazing, this blogosphere, isn’t it?
@daniel hoang: Thanks for the throwing some change in the tip jar! In about three years, I’ll meet that $100 minimum to get my payout from Google Ads. So, yeah, luckily it’s not about the money!
@Cameron: Thank you! That's really awesome of you to leave that kind of comment here. I appreciate it. And for my part, I shouldn't have responded in the first place. I antagonized an already tense conversation. That was my moment of weakness as well.
Perhaps what is mistaken here is the way I feel about my sobriety. Both you & another commenter thought this was sort of "downer" moment in my life and that I was doing myself a disservice to bring it up again and again. But it wasn't. It was the most amazing thing that happened to me. It changed my life. I feel about it perhaps the same way someone who beat cancer might feel about it. Lance Armstrong races bikes, but he talks about his cancer way more. Because it isn't a downer to him – it changed him. And his experience can benefit others, so he keeps getting out there. I feel that way about alcoholism. So, I keep talking about how it's changed me, how I beat it, and how I live everyday like it's a gift (well, when I'm in a good place!).
I see your perspective though, and am grateful for the opportunity to better explain it. Because if you're thinking it, someone else is too.
@JRMoreau & nishachittal: Thanks for the support, guys! I'll definitely keep it up. Who am I if not a blogger?
This post deserves to be in the Internet canon of must-reads. You’re right on the mark about all of it.
Great post! I hear you, completely. People love all the personal details, sometimes for entertainment purposes, sometimes to learn. It’s best when someone truly relates – when you’re words help someone evolve, or at least not feel so alone. I too sometimes want to quit the blog business. But it is rewarding in non-financial ways. Keep at it.
Holly,
If you’re interested in making passive income with your blog, I could help you. Just ask.
It’s a matter of focus.
Love,
Tina
Keep up the great work!! Sometimes putting yourself out there is a valuable step to exercising the things in life that seem like demons!!
Holly,
What a great post! I like reading your post because you are grappling with some pretty big stuff – as well as all of the stuff we all grapple with. Your willingness to put yourself out there and be open about your problems is an act of courage. I have a family member who is an alcoholic and although has admitted it to the immediate family, has not done so to those outside the immediate circle.
What you do when you blog and talk about it is to set an example of courage for others. I hope that thought can sustain you when the self appointed critics starting trying to bring you down.
It’s definitely your warmth and your way of making us all feel connected to you, the reason that i’m always glad to see that worklovelife link brighten up on my reader. Also, it may be that i too, feel that i want to follow your steps as a blogger (as Marina does). You were the first blogger that i reached out for advice, so i read your posts in a more personal way.
Keep it up, always nice reading you.
Carlos
This is a very insightful post. Thank you for sharing. You know, I added you because we share the same name, but I’ve come to see that we have many more things in common.
I do not have the courage to write about my past on my blog, save for encouraging my peers to donate to a related cause. I would like to one day share my story, as you have yours, and I can only hope that I will too give strength to others through my words.
The posts that I have felt the most vulnerable publishing have gotten the most amazing comments…blogging is a very gratifying “job,” indeed
Nice work Holly and thanks. A great post.
Hey Holly, just stumbled on this from my Blogger dashboard – you’ve been so quiet on Facebook of late I didn’t know what had happened.
I too love following your journey, and as you probably already know, I’m a fan of much the same sort of self-discovery I think you are pursuing. Keep it up, keep it up, girl – you are not alone! Love. Your. Work.
MH
Happy holidays, Holly! Hope you’re doing well.
Girlie, yours and Rebecca’s were the first blogs by people my own age that I ever read.
After months of lurking, I took the plunge and started writing my own blog.
So I guess “thank you” is in order, right?
I have enjoyed our conversations (on and off line). You were one of my first *real* online friends!
I think you ROCK and I’m always glad to see you in my reader (or twitter feed)
Happy blogging in 2009!