Recipe for Conformity [Guest Post]
People fascinate me.
I enjoy looking and listening to them.
I like analyzing their exteriors and predicting their actions.
I love imagining their backgrounds and guessing their goals and desires.
One of the aspects that have interested me enormously lately is love and attraction.
What it means to people, what they really look in another person, what they do to “triumph” and what they hide away.
Infinite variables affect the way we act towards relationships, but I’ve seen one attitude present in most people (especially young people), one that I think we should re-evaluate.
That attitude is expectancy. The idea of love as a sure step. The problem is this:
Expecting to be in happy relationship is a recipe for conformity.
I’m obviously not saying that being in a happy relationship is impossible, nor I’m saying that we shouldn’t try to be in one.
We just shouldn’t expect it.
We still put “being happily married” as one of the obvious steps of life, after graduating and having a job. As if we should logically go through it at some point. There’s a clear problem with people saying things like “I want to be married by the time I’m X.” Even though words like destiny, karma and soul mates may sound nice, I don’t think they prove anything. We shouldn’t put our hopes in them.
So, conformism kicks in. We are stubborn people. It’s human nature, you know? To prevent our “plans” from changing, we force ourselves to fit our context into our goals, instead of doing the opposite. We reject the idea of solitude as a possibility (and ending) for many of us, so we invent and create a fantasy that suits our dreams.
The result? A lowered standard relationship with either a short-life span of Hollywood moments, or a permanent situation filled with regrets, unhappiness and broken dreams. This is no the case for every relationship out there, but I’m sure it’s the case with most of them that end badly.
Maybe it’s because of pride; maybe it’s ignorance - the reason is irrelevant. What matters is that we are not very fond of embracing randomness as the main factor and ruler of our lives.
Look, here’s the thing: As opposed to choosing your major or career direction, you’re only in charge of 50% of the decision when it comes to relationships.
That’s OK. Accept that.
Otherwise you’ll get stuck with the other half looking to settle, and not the half looking for you.