My first job was at a start-up of just three people (it grew to a whopping 12 at its largest). At first we didn’t even have separate offices, and as we grew, we upgraded to larger digs with more people crammed two to an office. At a start-up, everyone pretty much knows everything about each other’s lives. It’s not just the office sharing; it’s the long hours, the pent-up stress blowouts, and the commiseration over peeved significant others and your lack of life/sleep.

Things were a little different when I started at my present company, which has approximately 300 employees. My department is made up of only three people (sound familiar?), and we have one large open office. So, like before, we’re pretty much in tune with what’s going on in each other’s lives, without the crazy 60-to-80-hour week crap. (I love trying to figure out how to talk to gyno on the phone with my male boss within earshot. Fun.)

That said, there are nine other departments in my company, with varying numbers in each department (IT has three like us, while advertising has more than 50). I usually only have contact with these people when I need something from them. They don’t really know me from Adam, so I have to wait in line usually like everyone else. But I see the long-timers and the super-friendlies skipping their way to the figurative front of the line all the time. I figured this was just how it went and so be it.

There is a part of corporate life that I don’t always understand. It’s the water cooler conversations. To be honest, I don’t give a crap about American Idol, Let’s Make a Deal or what your kids are doing. The asinine things I would hear people talk about totally escaped me – there are times where what they are saying doesn’t even make sense, jokes with mismatched punch lines, etc.

But I learned how to speak it eventually. The first couple of times I didn’t even understand what I was saying but the coworker chuckled and left. As I caught on, I realized that while I may not care what’s going on in my coworkers’ lives, that connection can be leveraged.

If you aren’t a natural connector or social butterfly, try making a “goodwill tour” of your company. Take an hour or so in the morning, when folks are getting their coffee, checking their e-mail and reading the headlines to ask them how their weekend was, how their kids are, how their week is going so far.

I stopped by one department on Monday to ask a manager if he was feeling any better after being out the prior week. He seemed surprised and was genuine in his thanks for the inquiry. As I left I asked another coworker in that department how his weekend was and how his kids were, knowing how much he values his family. I asked another how her daughter’s graduation went, and made a joke about a woman having more work done than the coworker’s house, which I overhear her complaining about the renovation on.

I used to think these things were enormous productivity blockades and time-wasters. Sometimes they are; but other times it has helped me jump to the head of that proverbial line. How’s that cold, Roy? Oh, good to hear. Listen, I’m having tough time getting these lists…

While it sounds self-serving in some aspects, it’s helped me to get involved in my colleagues’ lives to a healthy extent. I have even built outside relationships with a small handful of them. Sometimes I have to be forced into social situations and increasing productivity and decreasing work downtime is a great motivator for me.

Guy I’ve Been Seeing and I hadn’t seen each other in probably two weeks. With the website taking off at the same time as my IT consultancy, I had become insanely busy. GIBS was almost equally busy with his career. When we were seeing each other, it was pretty much for, er, one thing.

During this particularly long stretch between sightings, I’d got to thinking about our relationship. Hold on a second. I just said relationship. That’s not what’s supposed to happen. GIBS is thus named for a reason. I had such a mortal fear of saying BF, GIBS was the shortest description I could come up with to describe our association to friends and family members. But here it was four or five months into it, and how long could you possibly just be “dating” someone?

With my career taking off in so many different directions, I knew time was going to be limited. I got to thinking about GIBS though. All of this really great stuff pretty much started because of him and that question he asked on our second date. He was always there for me – supporting me, holding me accountable, pushing me through the tough parts when I wanted to give up. He could pump me up when I needed it, and he could celebrate my successes. And he genuinely felt them. I could pretty much tell him anything. I respected his opinion and sought his advice on most things.

Holy crap, I thought. He’s one of my best friends.

I certainly didn’t want to ruin things with my best friend. At the same time, I knew that it wasn’t going to work as a couple. Neither one of us were cut off for coupledom, at least for the time being. We’d talked repeatedly about our relationship fears, our happiness in being single, etc. Every time I ended something with someone though, we never really stayed friends. We might talk, but it eventually tapered off or imploded when I realized they were holding onto the friend card thinking I would change my mind.

I talked it over with one of my mentors (people, if you haven’t already, find an older person you respect, admire and talk openly with on all matters). I decided honesty was the best policy. I sort of had this feeling that he might be feeling the same way I was anyhow.

So our schedules finally synced up and we went for sushi. We talked about the great and busy things in our lives – my new apartment, his new house, my IT consultancy taking off, his big trips coming up.

“Well, it sounds like we’ve both got really full lives right now,” I commented, looking down at the table. I raised my eyes and gave him a knowing look. He met my eyes and I could tell he was thinking the same thing.

“Look, with all this stuff going on, it just seems like maybe we don’t have time for a relationship,” I pushed through.

“Yeah, I’ve been thinking that lately, too,” GIBS agreed, looking relieved.

“Here’s the thing though,” I continued. “You’ve actually become really important to me.” I told him everything I’d realized about he and I as friends. I told him that he’d become one of my best friends and that friendship is a rung higher than a relationship in my book.

“So you don’t want me to just go away?” he asked.

“No!” I reassured. “Look, I need you as a friend.”

We continued talking and walked to our cars. I wondered, and hoped, that we would really stay friends. And we have. I think we’re actually closer than we were when we were dating. We talk on the phone regularly, text our triumphs and ‘how you doing’s to each other often. We hang out, and true friend that he is, he helped me move this past weekend. We’ve had dinner and great, interesting conversations. I feel like I’m more myself around him than ever, because just like any other friend, I figure he’ll figure my faults and flaws. I don’t fear judgment. I can roll over to his place sans make-up and not give a crap since we’re just friends anyways.

And while the FB card is definitely on the table, I’ve filed it away for a rainy day. Today I’m totally cool being good friends.

Note: Hereto forward, GIBS will be known as GIWS (Guy I Was Seeing).

Well, dear readers, if I am out-of-pocket the next few days I hope my excuse is valid. I lost a very dear friend this weekend. I am still sorting through the emotions, and the shock has only just worn off in the past few hours. Every hour brings a new emotion, a renewed sense of sadness and loss, and a glimpse of the profundity of this event. I know that something is happening in my soul right now that will impact me forever. I don’t know what it is yet, but that’s part of the ante when you agree to let life guide you.

I read a lot of blogs lately talking about how social networking is single-handedly lowering the real-life social skills of an entire generation, that it hampers effective social change, that it kills productivity. At the same time, I read articles about the miracle of social networking, how it’s keeping people connected and helping form new connections in both our personal and business lives by bringing niches together without geographic constraints. What is undeniable is that connecting is important, that the bonds we form personally can be used to further our business goals, and that the people we meet in the workplace or through business networking can become part of our personal lives.

With all of the hype surrounding social networking, the articles on weak ties, etc. I wonder what good social networking actually is if you don’t have the opportunity to meet any of the people you are connecting with. For example, CoolPeopleCare blogger Sam Davidson recently visited Madison to meet with Modite blogger Rebecca Thorman. Employee Evolution bloggers Ryan Paugh and Ryan Healy moved from New Jersey to Wisconsin to co-found a company with BrazenCareerist author and blogger Penelope Trunk. What is it about the personal contact of meeting someone in person? There is something undeniable about that face-to-face connection solidifying what you’ve built up via social networks.

Perhaps there is a bit of jealousy that runs through me that these groups of bloggers have the opportunity to work in such close proximity to one another, or at least fly to each other. Groups breed creativity and allow ideas to grow. I’ve also blogged about accountability partners and how being around one or a group of like-minded individuals who are striving toward goals as well can keep you moving forward, increasing productivity and helping you meet your goals faster.

I live in mid-sized town in south Texas. For those of you in big cities, mid-sized means about 300,000 people. That’s pretty small. Not being from Texas and not having a lot of the same political, religious or social ideals as most people in my area compounds the problem. It’s near impossible to search out people who have similar goals (OK, any goals) whom I can connect with. Granted, social networking has allowed me to reach out to other people like myself, including those I mentioned above, and to keep up with the ones I meet who move away.

At some point, though, I do see myself meeting with the ones I form stronger-than-weak ties with via social networking, which is what brings to me back to the original question. Can social networking effectively exist in a vacuum? Or, is it necessary at some point in the relationship to make face-to-face contact?